I've been struggling lately with my game face and I have kind of been coming undone. I guess to put it simply, I feel like I am not always honest about how I feel. I am learning the hard way that its okay to "not be okay" sometimes. After dealing with the infection, I started to get aggravated and even more anxious about hospital stays and just kind of being in a "slump." I don't think this wedding could have come at a more perfect time for me (selfishly). I am tired of the way my life is operating; constant schedules, hospitals, doctor visits, everything. And to add to that, setbacks. I don't think I will be able to handle hearing the word delay one more time! Insecurities about my appearance, drama and people that don't matter, and not appreciating people and things in front of you. But, taking time yesterday to see and understand the beautiful gift of marriage and love really helps to put my life into perspective. Seeing family, friends, and especially looking towards Alex and Lindsay's life together shows me that all this around us is all petty. Things like family, friends, and love are what get you through the toughest battles. The feeling of giving and receiving love is the best medicine for anything and it is such a critical part of our existence. I know that someday it will be me walking down the aisle when this is all behind me and I can think about what I have overcome, thanks to all the love in my life. Love gets me through all of this, the love of my family and any love being sent my way, it makes me stronger.
Everyone has lemons in their life, and sometimes it just takes love to turn them into something sweeter, lemonade. I have three weeks in a row of lemons coming up. I check in tomorrow at 9:30 for high dose Methotrexate and I will hopefully be out of the hospital sometime on Thursday. Three weeks in a row of that routine is going to take a lot out of me, but I know I can make it through. I am really nervous and I get anxiety about these things but I know its all out of my control. These lemons are in my life for a reason, and maybe someday I will be lucky enough to understand why. My leg is healing well, the sutures should come out sometime this week and I am now able to bend my knee again! Being out of the immobilizer is fantastic, but it's going to be a lot of work at PT! Get excited Melissa! ;) After not having chemo for 4 weeks which should have been 2, I'm ready but nervous for tomorrow. I always get that pit in my stomach!
I have to ask something of all of you. Tonight, please spend time with someone you love. A family member, a friend, your significant other, take time to appreciate the love in your life. It's something I am blessed to always fall back on. I LOVE YOU ALL! don't ever forget it.
P.S. COUNTDOWN: 17 weeks
Glad you're finding the positive in things and keeping your head up! Your words are inspiring! Hopefully I'll see u soon
ReplyDeleteChris
Emily, YOU ROCK! KEEP UP THE POSITIVES. LOVE YA! Mrs. Borkey xoxo
ReplyDeleteYou're amazing Emily!! You can do it! You have so many people that love you and no wonder; you're an inspiration to all.
ReplyDeleteCarlin
Emily, You are wonderful! Keep up your good spirits, and know that we all are praying for you every day!
ReplyDeleteFr. Bichl, your neighbor
Hello Emily, I'm a walsh student and I've been following your blog for a long time. I just suffered a brain injury and let me tell you, I was very confused and scared when i woke up in the hospital. The recovery process seems very daunting to me and i have to admit, i am scared. But I am gaining courage from your attitude. You're truly amazing. You have handled this so incredibly well and you have become my idol. We will go through this tough process together, ok? Of course it's hard to understand why this has happened, but maybe one of God's reasons is that people like me could draw the necessary strength and bravery from your attitude. Keep faith in His plan, He loves you and has great plans for you, I know it. Thank you for being my idol in this tough time, you have helped me more than you may ever realize!
ReplyDeleteThanks Emily for sharing....
ReplyDeleteYou are doing beautifully, Em. It's a hard, hard, unfair road and you're human. It's hard not to get angry and frustrated (and frankly I don't think anyone could go through it without having some seriously rough days/weeks). The amazing thing about your family is that you all truly are a TEAM, and even though I'm sure you're sick of seeing so much of that team when you SHOULD be spending your summer with friends, try to take comfort in them and accept the love they're giving you.
ReplyDeleteAs always, you are SO loved (from Kansas). xoxo Jenn
I wish each of us who pray for you daily could divide your angst and carry it for you as you continue to battle and heal. I hope this temporary situation passes quickly and the glorious light at the end of the tunnel continues to brighten. You are a remarkable soul, little missy, and I hope you feel the love and support of your family, friends and Team! (BTW...I picture your walk down the bridal aisle in a fab one of a kind gown! After all, no gown could hold a candle to your gorgeousness!). Mrs. G
ReplyDeleteHOLA EMILY!
ReplyDeleteYou are very strong! 17 weeks it's nearly nothing compared all you have passed. Everyone here is excited to see you walking and smiling again!
Your battle is like "blowing and make bottles" (a catalan expression hahaha that means is really easy) with everyone around you.
And thanks to you a lot of people can see things that haven't been able to see before.
Love can win anything. Love is so powerful. Love can travel and cross the Atlantic ocean.
All my family sends you love and kisses.
T'estimem
Get well soon little lemon :)
JUDIT