As one of the aspects of my life improve, the others go by the way side. I am tired of feeling sick in many different ways, and I have no appetite to eat or drink anything. The methotrexate is clearing well and it's looking like I'll get out of here first thing in the morning.
I just got back from PT up on the 7th floor. Just did some basic exercises practicing more bending. Appreciating the small things is something I thought I had gotten better at but at the same time, things keep going down hill. Loss is something we are all faced with and its an unfortunate part of life. I feel like I just keep getting hit, blow by blow. Im tired of doing this, I am tired of this routine, I want to give up but I don't have a choice. Everyday, we lose something. We lose another day, we lose loved ones, we lose best friends. Although every loss is hard, I believe the hardest ones are the unexpected ones. I've learned over past events to wish nothing for the best for everyone you come in contact to. Happiness on your worst enemies, and sometimes you might come out on top. There has got to be a plan or reason for all the loss in this world and the changes we go through everyday. My mom keeps reminding me to "keep my head up" but sometimes its just too hard for that.
Sometimes sleeping your life aways seems like the best and only solution, like I'll wake up and this is all over.
Jane is right, Em, but it's much harder to put into action than it is for those of us on the sidelines to say it. This summer sucks for you. It's not fair, but it's pretty much the best thing that can be said about it.
ReplyDeleteYOU are an amazing young woman, being tested in ways that women twice and three times your age would shrink at. YOU will come out stronger and wiser on the other side. Keep one foot in front of the other, and know that you are loved and supported by SO many. xoxoxo
Honestly, you're right. It can suck to be sidelined, but just wait until you get to the other side and you can tell yourself "Wow, I survived!"
ReplyDeleteYou might be surprised as to how many people have some sort of understanding about being sidelined.
Although I don't personally know you, I too had to take the spring semester off from SLU.
Something that has helped me get through? The movie Finding Nemo. JUST KEEP SWIMMING!
Put "Swim" by Jack's Mannequin on repeat
DeleteEmily I am so sorry you are feeling so low! Don't give up now! you are such an inspiration. But I don't blame you one bit for being sad, Remember - tomorrow is a new day! Extra prayers for you tonight!!
ReplyDeleteEmily,
ReplyDeleteI have been reading your blog from the beginning and regardless of whether your post is positive or brutally honest about the low-lights of this experience, you are such an inspiration and have such an incredible spirit. Remember that each day, whether good or bad, is one day closer to the finish line, beating cancer, and being a cancer survivor. Sending lots of prayers your way and towards the team as you continue treatment!
Hi Emily,
ReplyDeleteWe're all with you in thought and prayer every day of this journey, good and bad. It's remarkable how many days you've been able to be positive and upbeat with all the difficulties of your treatment. We hope you are home today and feeling better very soon. Keep you head up, like your mom says!
Love,
The Coburns
Wish I could give you a big, big hug, Em. You're honesty is amazing and you remain an inspiration to me through it all. SO happy Alex is coming out to see you and you guys and Ali get to spend some time together. I love you all and think about you constantly. Hang in there, Em, and know I'm always here for you pretty girl. Lots of love headed your way.
ReplyDeleteAnnalise xoxo
Emily, keep up your good and brave fight. It must absolutely stink to be stuck in the hospital getting treatments and doing PT during the summer, but keep remembering that every day is another day closer toward your goal. You have a plan, you have a great family and you have a great team of doctors and nurses who are supporting you and helping you to the finish line. I hope that when you have a down day or two, that you have an equally brighter day or two soon after. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and thanks for the updates! I told your Mom that I missed your blog postings!
ReplyDelete-Maria Murphy
Hi, Emily! I am glad to see that you've realized it's OK to take a break from being the banner-carrier for inspiration, and close ranks for a little bit to recover some balance. If you read some biographies of famous inspirational people like Mother Teresa and St. Therese of the Little Flower, you'll see: the same things you're wrestling with, they did too. The best news is, you've been given something you can actually beat, and already you've had people in your life that didn't have that option. A big shout-out to your wonderful family -- TeamEvans will prevail! Much love coming your way from the West Coast to the North Coast.
ReplyDeleteEmily -
ReplyDeleteYour amazing attitude, courage and honesty are so admirable. I'm deeply sorry you've had these road bumps. Just keep the faith, know you are loved and being prayerfully supported by tons of people, and look forward to the day when you will take a ride on a smooth road, with the top down, and your long hair flying in the wind.
God bless, and hugs to you and all of Team Evans from the Aboods.
Emily:
ReplyDeleteIs theres no getting thru some things other than gritting your teeth and gutting it out a day at a time. You've already been thru enough tough stuff to know inside that you can do it. Nodbody wants to, but you learn that you can.
When you're feeling well again, enjoy it to the max.
Have been thru similar situation, been nauseaus, sick, discouraged, lonely, etc. I was nobody special and made it, so can you.