6 Months

6 months ago today:

Wednesday, February 15th, 2012. 7 am, check into Cleveland Clinic surgical center. Met Swiss doctor who implanted a port into my right collar bone area. Spent the whole day resting up on this new place in the hospital, building M wing 50. I woke up with a patch on the spot where they put the port in. There was a bump sticking out of it, what was that? No way is that a needle sticking in my chest. The day was filled with anxiety and questions, I wasn't feeling good. That night, with my whole family around me, my first bag of chemotherapy was hung around 7 pm. We all held hands and I cried. This was my new reality and this is what my life was going to be for while. I laid there and held the tubing, I watched the redish-brownish doxorubicin drip through the tubing and into me. I couldn't believe what was happening. The fear, the unknown, all the confusion of that night is finally at peace with me. 6 months later, I lay here at home a completely different person.

I'm doing great! Everyday is a day that gets better and better. I am going to physical therapy everyday and it is my favorite part of the day. Loving getting stronger and seeing the progress I am making even in just a week! I have two weeks off right now, so I am taking advantage of it! I went to the doctor on Monday and got my needle out because I was done with home IV fluids after a week. What is really exciting is that I don't think if everything goes smoothly, I will EVER need home IV fluids at night EVER AGAIN. The only reason I was doing them is because of the cisplatin, and once again, it went so smoothly and I'M DONE!

An update on my leg, I know none of this is really exciting to all of you, it's so exciting to me! I am reactivating my quad muscle and building up strength. Although much of it was removed with the surgery, I am re-learning how to do things like squats, leg presses, and balancing on one leg! My most exciting accomplishment has been learning how to step onto my left leg with it bent, like stepping up onto stairs. Those muscles are starting to come back and I am able to walk stairs "normally" now if I go slow and feel the burn. So exciting haha.

On a side note, I feel like my morale has come back too. Last night I made dinner for my Dad and I and we had a nice chat and he said, "I am so proud of you. You've learned to accept the situation and your finally moving forward. I feel like the old Emmy is back." This made me smile because I do feel different. I feel strong, figuring things out on my own and working hard. I am not 100% yet, but I am getting there and the end is in sight. A common topic of conversation at the house is, "I am going to do this this and this when I am done with cancer." I still have a long way to go but with my therapy even a week has been filled with leaps and bounds.

I am really going to miss everyone when my friends leave for school in the next week or so. I am so excited for them, but I know it's going to kill me thinking about everyone being back together while I am stuck here. I guess it's the little things I'll miss the most, but I am going to try and take full advantage of my semester at home. There is no way I am going to be trapped in my own personal hell like the spring when this was just getting started, and no one knew what to expect or what was even going on. I am going to be active, workout, get some hours in at work, visit friends, and work on becoming the best EMMY I can. I guess life really is what you make it, turning positives into negatives. Soon enough this will be over and I can close my eyes and say, "I did it."