Party Time Yo!

Happy Monday everyone! and Happy Fall!

I decided to try something different today...I'm posting a video blog update? Hope it works! No hair don't care ;) I'll get my eyelashes and eyebrows back soon enough. Hope everyone has a great day, and in the words of miss Marilyn Monroe, "Keep your head high, your chin up, and most importantly keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there is SO much to smile about"

xoxo

Home!

4 Weeks, 3 more treatments...

That is all I keep reminding myself! I got out of the hospital this morning from my high dose Methotrexate admission on monday. Thankfully, after a week off, my body was way more equipped to clear the chemo faster than last time when I was there for 6 days unexpectedly. My last dose of chemo seems so close and I can't wait! I've kind of accepted that these next few weeks will not go as planned, in reality I am preparing myself for longer than 4 weeks. I go in on Monday and Tuesday this week for outpatient Doxorubicin, health permitting. I will also begin injecting myself with neupogin everyday for 10 days. I really detest getting these shots and I'm slightly freaked out about giving them to myself, but maybe these shots will help keep me on track? It is a shot that jump starts my bone marrow to keep working  and make white blood cells and platelets to keep my counts high. Definitely the most frustrating part of delays is when it's because of low counts because there is nothing I can do to speed the process up. But hey, you gotta do what you gotta do, right?

Today I will be registering for housing at SLU for the spring semester, wow I can't wait. Today is also exciting because it is homecoming at Walsh Jesuit (our last one!). Mackenzie, my sister, is a senior so she's been working hard planning homecoming week with student government. Go Warriors! So thankful I got out of the hospital today to be there with my family. 

I would like to ask all of you to keep my friends fighting this battle in your prayers please. Ashly, Luciana, Sarah, Mikaela, PJ, Cora, and Lisa. Also, prayers go up to a special angel who just lost her battle, but she never gave up. No matter what kind, who has it, or when it appears...cancer still sucks.

Smile today, you never know how much you could brighten someone's day!

xoxo

P.S. GO CARDINALS! Shout out to all my friends in St. Louis - 12 in 12

Done...

Do you ever feel like you can't catch a break and that things are always going wrong in your own world. Everyone else seems to be happy and well and you can't figure out how to force a smile? I've been consumed in my own world of having no control of my life. I'm getting antsy...so anxious to be done already but time keeps stoping. 

I didn't get out of the hospital until Saturday from my last chemo admission. This past Monday I went to the doc for labs and to get admitted for more chemo but we found out I still had chemo in my system from last round, and those levels were too high. My body is so tired and so weak it doesn't want to do this anymore so my kidneys and everything are tired of filtering out the chemo. I was sent home disappointed again, and told to come back Thursday to try again.

Thursday was met with more disappointment. Although it took me a week and a half, I had finally cleared the methotrexate from my system but, my blood counts dropped. I am neutropenic and now my platelets are too low to receive chemo. I couldn't hold my tears in anymore.

5 weeks, 4 treatments.

I'm stuck in this holding place. I want to keep going and just be done. I was supposed to be finished with treatment the last week in October, but now I keep getting delayed, I'm to the week of thanksgiving now. I just want to be done. Im tired of this. My body is tired, I want my life back. My energy, my hair, my muscle, everything that I can do when poison won't be streaming through my veins. I am SO ready to put a close on this chapter of my life. Talking to my coach, Lori, and my friend Amanda about basketball season just gets me so much more excited to go back to school, to cheer, to my friends, everything. January 10th will be my return to the sideline and school. I'm determined that one day I will see a cure for cancer. All this hurt will go away. Although I am down right now, I keep reminding myself to just "let go." One of my favorite sayings is "Let go and let God" whomever your god may be. I have to let go because I don't have control. Just take it one day at a time and let go. Things will get better and when they do, they will be great. But there is no easy way to let go.

“A star falls from the sky and into your hands. Then it seeps through your veins and swims inside your blood and becomes every part of you. And then you have to put it back into the sky. And it's the most painful thing you'll ever have to do and that you've ever done. But what's yours is yours. Whether it’s up in the sky or here in your hands. And one day, it'll fall from the sky and hit you in the head real hard and that time, you won't have to put it back in the sky again.” 

What Gives?

Quick Update:

I finished my 5th to last chemo on Monday evening, meaning I only have 4 more treatments left! (5 weeks total). Normally when getting Methotrexate which I received on Monday, I am here for 60 hours post-chemo for fluids to flush it from my system, and I am usually out of here Thursday mornings. Well, even with increasing my fluids, adding another medicine to "pull out the Methotrexate" my levels are still in the clear to go home. I am super bummed and bored, but hey that's life!

They will draw labs again at 6 am, which *fingers crossed* will finally get me out of here early morning. I would so much rather be relaxing at home, but I know I can't leave yet. I'm guessing it's taking longer to recover from chemo now just because I've had so many doses my body is tired of clearing it and my bone marrow is slow to regenerate. 

Dad is coming down with my favorite Mexican, Don Tequila, for dinner. Chill night here up in M50...Hopefully I get out tomorrow so I can have at least the weekend to relax before I come back in Monday for the same routine.

xoxo to all,
Em

Happy FALL!

Happy October 1st everyone!

Nothing exciting to report...Methotrexate just started at 6:15 and will go for 4 hours. Checked in this morning for chemo by myself, all is well again with my health. Thank you for all the love and prayers! Finally back on schedule, 6 more weeks; 5 treatments (after 10:15 tonight, only 4 more! EEEKKK!!). Once the chemo is done tonight I have post-chemo hydration for 48-60 hours to flush it out of my system.

Kinda funny how treatment and this whole situation has become like a job, its a routine just like all of your days with classes or work or whatever you do! I check in at S20, do a blood draw, call report, head up to M50 in another building, hang out while getting pre-chemo fluids, the whole operation it's become so regular it makes me laugh sometimes.

I barely have an eyebrows left, but hey, they will grow back :) only a few more weeks! Sending love to all my family, friends, and anyone who needs a prayer!

X's and O's
Em