On February 15th, 2012, I made this first post:
"On Friday, February 10th, I was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma, or bone cancer. This was unexpected and frightening, but my parents and I were ready to take this on. Saturday afternoon I was discharged from the hospital and went back to campus to pack up some things and say goodbye to my amazing friends. This was extremely difficult, but I know I will be back! Sunday morning, my parents and I were on the first flight back home to Cleveland to begin my treatment at the Cleveland Clinic. This is a challenge that I have been faced with and it will certainly be a long 7-9 months to fight this cancer, but I am ready. With all the amazing support of family and friends, I am going to continue to stay positive and motivated to fight. God never gives us more than we can handle, and I know I'll beat this. Sometimes we just have to Let go and Let God, and of course, you always gotta keep your head up :) "
Since then, so much has changed. Today I woke up 2 years removed from the nightmare that was "D-Day" or Diagnosis day. The last few days my emotions have been running wild remembering all too vividly the thoughts, feelings, and the difficult conversations I had to have following the startling news of "I'm so sorry, but we found cancer cells in your biopsy. You have something called Osteosarcoma, or bone cancer." Thinking about everything really just makes me feel like... "wow." Not even sure what words would follow other than it seems like a different lifetime and I can't believe that really happened.
I was reminded of the difficult conversations I had with one of my best friends, Alex, yesterday. We were recalling the moment when I got back to campus and asked her to come to my room. I was sitting with Greg and I was already crying as she sat down with nothing but the happiest, cheeriest smile on her face. I told her the news and she was still smiling. Her response to me was, "I'm so sorry if I am coming off insensitive but I am just so confident because I know you're going to beat this." Alex, Ali, Emma, Greg, Johnny, Wolf, Lauren, Kaitlin, Cecily, Ryan, Charlie, Kevin, Greg, the Saintsations, all of you that sat in my jam packed room that day as I packed up my things, thank you for instilling in me hope and strength to begin this journey - and now to finish it!!
2 years later, the feeling of pain in my leg is gone. The scares of fever neutropenia, infections, bumps in the road are all just memories. The feeling of sadness, uncertainty and sickness from chemo are also just thoughts remembered from time to time. What seemed like such vivid moments seem to be fogged in my memory now...maybe that's a defensive mechanism, only remembering the good. My battle scars are proud trophies of my defeat on the little c. I am remembering all these things with a smile on my face. Some tears, yes, but I am smiling because I can't even process how blessed I am for the amazing support I felt for the 9 months and continue to feel from so many people all over. I feel like I am truly the luckiest girl in the world. Cancer put my life on pause, but 2 years from that awful day, I am back at school, cancer free and loving my life and all the people in it. Thank you for your continued thoughts, prayers, love and support. It means more than you know. I will be heading home for a day of scans on March 3rd to make sure I am still 100% healthy...no little c cells anywhere. Scans no longer scare me like they used to...like that first day, February 10th, 2012 watching the bone scan tick 1% at a time over my whole body....
Momma Jane was texting me yesterday and said "Goodnight. Think about how much you have grown. Eyes forward." -she couldn't be more right. The future is too bright.
Today marks the worst day of my life but 2 years later still being able to sit at my kitchen table and write my story... I am the happiest girl in the world.
God bless all of you, thanks for helping me keep my head up.
XO Emily
Monday, February 10, 2014
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
#WorldCancerDay
I guess you can say today has been a bit of a reflecting day for me. In case you didn't know, today is "World Cancer Day"... can't say I know who founded this so-called day. According to worldcancerday.org February 4th is:
"World Cancer Day is a chance to raise our collective voices in the name of improving general knowledge around cancer and dismissing misconceptions about the disease."
Today I got up, made a nice little breakfast, and sat down at the computer searching through old pictures of my little c adventure and all the amazing people that helped me through that time. I changed my profile picture on Facebook to a shade of purple because Chevrolet teamed up with the American Cancer Society and donated $1 to cancer research for every purple default picture, pretty amazing! My roommates probably weren't expecting to see tears start streaming down my face in the middle of breakfast but I couldn't control it. Emotions over came me and memories, good and bad, came flooding in. I hopped in the shower before class and let my tears fall in the hot water with feelings of loss and despair overtaking me. I miss Cora, I think about all the people who've lost loved ones to cancer, all people holding on to some kind of hurt from an unfair disease.
I'm not sure why it took a day to be named "World Cancer Day" for me to have a release of emotion, I guess it just came out. I also don't understand why it takes a designated "cancer day" to remember that this fight always continues. Unfortunately, we can't turn on the fight and turn it off when we don't want to think about it...cancer is around us, everyday. People are fighting, every single day. They aren'y giving up, so why should we? I believe it is part of the reason that I am still here, to help others finish their fight. If I can be some kind of encouragement, raise money for research through Relay For Life, or put a smile on one person's face, then I will go to the ends of the Earth to make that happen.
The nostalgia of today is humbling and also a reminder that everyone is fighting some kind of battle, cancer or not, we are all fighters. Don't ever, ever give up hope. Don't ever stop fighting.
Please say a prayer and remember all people in the fight of their lives today. Prayers are twofold to you are your families. Sending all the love in my heart, hoping that one day this day won't exist...
Emily
"World Cancer Day is a chance to raise our collective voices in the name of improving general knowledge around cancer and dismissing misconceptions about the disease."
Today I got up, made a nice little breakfast, and sat down at the computer searching through old pictures of my little c adventure and all the amazing people that helped me through that time. I changed my profile picture on Facebook to a shade of purple because Chevrolet teamed up with the American Cancer Society and donated $1 to cancer research for every purple default picture, pretty amazing! My roommates probably weren't expecting to see tears start streaming down my face in the middle of breakfast but I couldn't control it. Emotions over came me and memories, good and bad, came flooding in. I hopped in the shower before class and let my tears fall in the hot water with feelings of loss and despair overtaking me. I miss Cora, I think about all the people who've lost loved ones to cancer, all people holding on to some kind of hurt from an unfair disease.
I'm not sure why it took a day to be named "World Cancer Day" for me to have a release of emotion, I guess it just came out. I also don't understand why it takes a designated "cancer day" to remember that this fight always continues. Unfortunately, we can't turn on the fight and turn it off when we don't want to think about it...cancer is around us, everyday. People are fighting, every single day. They aren'y giving up, so why should we? I believe it is part of the reason that I am still here, to help others finish their fight. If I can be some kind of encouragement, raise money for research through Relay For Life, or put a smile on one person's face, then I will go to the ends of the Earth to make that happen.
The nostalgia of today is humbling and also a reminder that everyone is fighting some kind of battle, cancer or not, we are all fighters. Don't ever, ever give up hope. Don't ever stop fighting.
Please say a prayer and remember all people in the fight of their lives today. Prayers are twofold to you are your families. Sending all the love in my heart, hoping that one day this day won't exist...
Emily
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