Reflecting on the past year

One year ago today, my life, my family's life, my friends' lives, changed dramatically. It was about 3 pm, when my doctor at SLU hospital came into my room. He was supposed to be on a flight to California for a medical conference. My parents and I quietly knew something was seriously wrong. He came in with my incredible nurse who helped me stay calm through the biopsy process.

He was choked up and tried to spit out words that didn't even make sense. On Tuesday, February 7th, he performed a biopsy on my femur and determined that I had a bone infection. The fact that he returned to my room with a solemn look scared me and my parents. He sat down at the end of my bed and touched my "good leg." He began to speak softly and quietly. The following words loomed in the air before they sunk into my thoughts. 

Emily I am so sorry. Pathology finally came back with the results. They found cancer cells in your biopsy. You have something called osteosarcoma, or bone cancer.

I blacked out. I don't remember much of that conversation. I remember my mom screaming and my dad silently crying, and I think I had tears but I don't remember. The next words were, "We will probably be able to save your leg.....chemotherapy....reconstructive surgery...." It was too much. My parents and I tried to process everything and immediately decided that I should leave school and come back to Cleveland to receive treatment at the Cleveland Clinic. A few minutes later, doctors scrambled to pull some tests together for me. At 3 pm, on a friday afternoon, not much is available because everyone is headed home for the weekend. But, I got in for a CT scan of my lungs and a full body bone scan. At 3:30, Greg came in the room with his backpack on, thinking I was going to be discharged from the hospital finally, and we had about 30 seconds to sit him down and tell him I was diagnosed with cancer. That was the first time I cried, I couldn't speak, it finally was hitting me, I had cancer. Greg stayed with me that whole weekend, never leaving my side, and I am so grateful I had such an amazing friend. I was rolled down in my hospital bed for the CT and bone scans. My parents will say that February 10th, 2012 was the worst day of their lives, and the best. With the scans, we confirmed that the osteo had not spread. My lungs were clear (that is the first place it would spread to), and the bone scan, ticking 1% at a time over my body, showed no signs of tumors anywhere else. Laying in that machine and seeing my parents and Greg watching the results on the side killed me inside because we were all so scared.

God bless my family and my parents, they are the strongest people I know. That night, my brother won his basketball tournament and we had family friends come over and prepare for a skype date they will never forget. We decided I cannot tell anyone until I tell my family so my phone had been turned off since we got the news. My brother and sister appeared on the screen with my "2nd mothers" and we told them the news. My brother kept stepping away from the screen because he was crying but didn't want us to know. That was the most difficult part of the day, telling Mackenzie and Joe. My parents left Greg and I at the hospital with some food and went to the hotel where they stayed up all night calling every doctor friend we knew asking for help. How do we get an oncologist? What hospital do we go to? How do we find a surgeon? How do we get help. By morning (Saturday), My parents had flights home booked and me scheduled for appointments at the Cleveland Clinic on Monday. 

Saturday was a whirlwind. I was discharged from the hospital around 2 pm. My parents dropped Greg and I back off at SLU where I had the difficult task of telling my friends that I have cancer and that I was going home in the morning. I am so sorry for all the pain I caused my friends, they went through everything with me. It was a shock to everyone because we all thought it was a bone infection...



I was able to tell as many people as possible in the short 4 to 5 hours that I had on campus and pack up my things in my dorm. My friends, my parents, and I crammed into my dorm room and sat and talked. One of my best friends, Wolf , gave me a pair of boxing gloves and said, "Emily, use these. You are going to beat cancer." another one of my best friend, Greg, gave me his Cleveland Indians hat I used to wear and wrote on the inside, "you're a champ." These are some memories I hold so close to my heart. We didn't know what to expect, and I was so scared. I am so grateful I have incredible friends that got me through that day.

So, one year later after 30 rounds of treatment, a knee replacement, a partial femur replacement, and the loss of my hair, I am still here today and that is the best blessing I could ask for. February 10th is my D-Day, (diagnosis day) and I am so thankful I am alive. Who knew a year ago, when I was leaving school, I would be back here and back to the life I had. I am so lucky to have such amazing friends and family. Although today is an emotional day for me, I am proud to say that the hell has made me a stronger person. Thank you so much to every single person that thought about me, prayed for me, sent me cards, gifts, anything at all through this. I am eternally grateful. February 10th, 2012 changed my life forever, but I am going to use this experience to help others and give back. God brought me through this for a reason, it's now my goal to find that reason and pay it forward. 

So much love to all of you, a world without cancer is my dream and I am determined that I will see the day when that comes true.
Em