Monday morning rolled around again and it was time to head down to the clinic to check in for chemo. My counts were all back to normal so I was all good to go! So happy, hate delays. My dad hung with me a little that afternoon but our family is so busy he couldn't stay long. Shoutout to momma and the John Carroll University football team and staff That headed off to IRELAND yesterday for an international football tournament in Dublin! I'm so excited for them! Unfortunately, because my mom was so swamped with last minute travel issues, I didn't get to see her and say goodbye. Mackenzie is also having a hard time and is really sick at home. So, I'm in the hospital by myself most of the time. But I don't mind one bit. Some R&R is needed right now because the chemo and fluids require me to go to the bathroom every other hour to make sure it's clearing my system properly. This leads to minimal amounts of sleep, but hey, it could be worse!
The truly exciting news came to me on Monday when I told my doctors that I had 11 weeks left until this is all over and she corrected me and said, "Em, you only have 9 MORE WEEKS LEFT!!" I am on week 20 out of 29 total. Unfortunately because of delays like infection, platelets, and surgery is will end up being much longer than 29 weeks, but I am getting through it. STAYING STROMG AND POSITIVE. I was practically jumping out of my skin. My estimated timing means that my last round of chemo (methotrexate) will happen on Monday, October 29th, which means I will be walking out of M50 for the last time on Thursday, Novemeber 1st. All Saints Day...not a coincidence ;). The week after that sometime in the first. Week of Novemeber, my mediport for chemo will be taken out and IM CANCER FREE! So much to look forward to. I feel time is flying now the end is in sight.
Sitting in M50 room 8 with a big window right in front of me gives me an opportunity to look at the brightening blue skies. Monday and Tuesday were gloomy, but the sun is here again. "Only rainbows after rain, the sun will always come again" -Andy Gammar, Keep Your Head Up.
Keep smiling everyone, there is so much to smile about. Much love to you, your family and friends. Keep your head up!
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Sunday, August 26, 2012
11
11 more weeks until I am done with this! This past weekend, some family friends the Potter family came to Cleveland to visit. Teamevans LOVED being with them, we've known them since Henry and I were in play group together. Having fun with them kept my mind off the fact that my friends had all taken off to school.
On Friday morning, I went for another check up and my counts were all up to normal again! The BIG relief is that my platelets were at 135,000 on friday, high enough for chemo tomorrow for sure!! I was concerned they would still be low, but I'm in the clear! I check in tomorrow morning to "hotel M50" until Thursday sometime. I am having a hard time accepting that all my friends at SLU are going to start class tomorrow and I won't be there. But, I am actually okay because the end is in sight!
Found this great quote I would like to share with you...
"Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Look at the sunny side of everything and make optimism come true. Think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. Live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you." -Christian D. Larson
So tomorrow while my friends are walking into class, I'll be walking in to the hospital. I re-read that quote about 10 times tonight, and I am fully dedicated to my own self improvement. I hope you are too, because you ARE worth it. Love and peace to you all.
On Friday morning, I went for another check up and my counts were all up to normal again! The BIG relief is that my platelets were at 135,000 on friday, high enough for chemo tomorrow for sure!! I was concerned they would still be low, but I'm in the clear! I check in tomorrow morning to "hotel M50" until Thursday sometime. I am having a hard time accepting that all my friends at SLU are going to start class tomorrow and I won't be there. But, I am actually okay because the end is in sight!
Found this great quote I would like to share with you...
"Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Look at the sunny side of everything and make optimism come true. Think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. Live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you." -Christian D. Larson
So tomorrow while my friends are walking into class, I'll be walking in to the hospital. I re-read that quote about 10 times tonight, and I am fully dedicated to my own self improvement. I hope you are too, because you ARE worth it. Love and peace to you all.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Another week
Well, it's been a week since my last post. Monday I went to back to the clinic for another check up and was not shocked to find I was running on E. My white blood cell count is at 0.85, ANC is 0.00 and my platelets are at 47,000. All of these combined made my bed feel better than any place in the world the last few days. Yesterday, as pathetic as this is, I realized I watched 10 straight hours of Law and Order Special Victims Unit (one of my fav shows). Catching up on some Z's and laying low was great and I feel better everyday.
I go back in on Friday for another check up and I should be up to 100% again by then. The only concern is my platelets...because they are too low. I am in this annoying in between stage where my platelets are not low enough to transfuse, but not high enough to receive chemo. So, Monday we have to hope they are up again to about 75,000 so I can check in and keep rolling. The delays are no fun...
Im halfway through week 12 in my countdown...Monday will be 11 weeks left and 9 treatments left. SINGLE DIGITS BABY! One day at a time.
Loving you all today and everyday. Shout out to all students headed back to school in the next few weeks...all you college students, I envy you ;) To my brosef Joe, hope orientation was great today. First official day at Ignatius tomorrow and first football game! Go wildcats! And to all my billikens moving in today and through the rest of the week, enjoy every second! P.S. Goodbye's stink...I don't know why they are called "good" when saying "bye" is never easy.
I go back in on Friday for another check up and I should be up to 100% again by then. The only concern is my platelets...because they are too low. I am in this annoying in between stage where my platelets are not low enough to transfuse, but not high enough to receive chemo. So, Monday we have to hope they are up again to about 75,000 so I can check in and keep rolling. The delays are no fun...
Im halfway through week 12 in my countdown...Monday will be 11 weeks left and 9 treatments left. SINGLE DIGITS BABY! One day at a time.
Loving you all today and everyday. Shout out to all students headed back to school in the next few weeks...all you college students, I envy you ;) To my brosef Joe, hope orientation was great today. First official day at Ignatius tomorrow and first football game! Go wildcats! And to all my billikens moving in today and through the rest of the week, enjoy every second! P.S. Goodbye's stink...I don't know why they are called "good" when saying "bye" is never easy.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
6 Months
6 months ago today:
Wednesday, February 15th, 2012. 7 am, check into Cleveland Clinic surgical center. Met Swiss doctor who implanted a port into my right collar bone area. Spent the whole day resting up on this new place in the hospital, building M wing 50. I woke up with a patch on the spot where they put the port in. There was a bump sticking out of it, what was that? No way is that a needle sticking in my chest. The day was filled with anxiety and questions, I wasn't feeling good. That night, with my whole family around me, my first bag of chemotherapy was hung around 7 pm. We all held hands and I cried. This was my new reality and this is what my life was going to be for while. I laid there and held the tubing, I watched the redish-brownish doxorubicin drip through the tubing and into me. I couldn't believe what was happening. The fear, the unknown, all the confusion of that night is finally at peace with me. 6 months later, I lay here at home a completely different person.
I'm doing great! Everyday is a day that gets better and better. I am going to physical therapy everyday and it is my favorite part of the day. Loving getting stronger and seeing the progress I am making even in just a week! I have two weeks off right now, so I am taking advantage of it! I went to the doctor on Monday and got my needle out because I was done with home IV fluids after a week. What is really exciting is that I don't think if everything goes smoothly, I will EVER need home IV fluids at night EVER AGAIN. The only reason I was doing them is because of the cisplatin, and once again, it went so smoothly and I'M DONE!
An update on my leg, I know none of this is really exciting to all of you, it's so exciting to me! I am reactivating my quad muscle and building up strength. Although much of it was removed with the surgery, I am re-learning how to do things like squats, leg presses, and balancing on one leg! My most exciting accomplishment has been learning how to step onto my left leg with it bent, like stepping up onto stairs. Those muscles are starting to come back and I am able to walk stairs "normally" now if I go slow and feel the burn. So exciting haha.
On a side note, I feel like my morale has come back too. Last night I made dinner for my Dad and I and we had a nice chat and he said, "I am so proud of you. You've learned to accept the situation and your finally moving forward. I feel like the old Emmy is back." This made me smile because I do feel different. I feel strong, figuring things out on my own and working hard. I am not 100% yet, but I am getting there and the end is in sight. A common topic of conversation at the house is, "I am going to do this this and this when I am done with cancer." I still have a long way to go but with my therapy even a week has been filled with leaps and bounds.
I am really going to miss everyone when my friends leave for school in the next week or so. I am so excited for them, but I know it's going to kill me thinking about everyone being back together while I am stuck here. I guess it's the little things I'll miss the most, but I am going to try and take full advantage of my semester at home. There is no way I am going to be trapped in my own personal hell like the spring when this was just getting started, and no one knew what to expect or what was even going on. I am going to be active, workout, get some hours in at work, visit friends, and work on becoming the best EMMY I can. I guess life really is what you make it, turning positives into negatives. Soon enough this will be over and I can close my eyes and say, "I did it."
Wednesday, February 15th, 2012. 7 am, check into Cleveland Clinic surgical center. Met Swiss doctor who implanted a port into my right collar bone area. Spent the whole day resting up on this new place in the hospital, building M wing 50. I woke up with a patch on the spot where they put the port in. There was a bump sticking out of it, what was that? No way is that a needle sticking in my chest. The day was filled with anxiety and questions, I wasn't feeling good. That night, with my whole family around me, my first bag of chemotherapy was hung around 7 pm. We all held hands and I cried. This was my new reality and this is what my life was going to be for while. I laid there and held the tubing, I watched the redish-brownish doxorubicin drip through the tubing and into me. I couldn't believe what was happening. The fear, the unknown, all the confusion of that night is finally at peace with me. 6 months later, I lay here at home a completely different person.
I'm doing great! Everyday is a day that gets better and better. I am going to physical therapy everyday and it is my favorite part of the day. Loving getting stronger and seeing the progress I am making even in just a week! I have two weeks off right now, so I am taking advantage of it! I went to the doctor on Monday and got my needle out because I was done with home IV fluids after a week. What is really exciting is that I don't think if everything goes smoothly, I will EVER need home IV fluids at night EVER AGAIN. The only reason I was doing them is because of the cisplatin, and once again, it went so smoothly and I'M DONE!
An update on my leg, I know none of this is really exciting to all of you, it's so exciting to me! I am reactivating my quad muscle and building up strength. Although much of it was removed with the surgery, I am re-learning how to do things like squats, leg presses, and balancing on one leg! My most exciting accomplishment has been learning how to step onto my left leg with it bent, like stepping up onto stairs. Those muscles are starting to come back and I am able to walk stairs "normally" now if I go slow and feel the burn. So exciting haha.
On a side note, I feel like my morale has come back too. Last night I made dinner for my Dad and I and we had a nice chat and he said, "I am so proud of you. You've learned to accept the situation and your finally moving forward. I feel like the old Emmy is back." This made me smile because I do feel different. I feel strong, figuring things out on my own and working hard. I am not 100% yet, but I am getting there and the end is in sight. A common topic of conversation at the house is, "I am going to do this this and this when I am done with cancer." I still have a long way to go but with my therapy even a week has been filled with leaps and bounds.
I am really going to miss everyone when my friends leave for school in the next week or so. I am so excited for them, but I know it's going to kill me thinking about everyone being back together while I am stuck here. I guess it's the little things I'll miss the most, but I am going to try and take full advantage of my semester at home. There is no way I am going to be trapped in my own personal hell like the spring when this was just getting started, and no one knew what to expect or what was even going on. I am going to be active, workout, get some hours in at work, visit friends, and work on becoming the best EMMY I can. I guess life really is what you make it, turning positives into negatives. Soon enough this will be over and I can close my eyes and say, "I did it."
Thursday, August 9, 2012
It keeps getting better
So the plan is now, I have 2 weeks off before I have to go in for chemo. I mapped it out on my calendar and the next time I will be admitted is Monday, August 27th, for Methotrexate. What should have been my first day of school. Yes, I am super bummed about not going back in the fall, but I want to return healthy and normal, so second semester it is.
For the next few days, I hook up to fluids over night which always make me feel refreshed in the morning. When you don't want to eat or drink anything, the pressure to try and force it down is taken off with these fluids. I just have my port accessed and will be round until Monday or Tuesday. A few rainy days to relax is perfect for me. Laying low, watching the Olympics and sleeping plenty. Not sure why but you can probably tell where my mind is right now...counting down the days...
Have a wonderful day and keep a smile on your face. Love to you all! THE END IS IN SIGHT!
Monday, August 6, 2012
Tradeoffs
Last week wasn't the best week for me. I went in on Monday for the beginning of my fourth five-week cycle of treatment to begin. Cisplatin and Dox were on the docket, but when I checked in over in s20 they sent my blood to the lab and it turns out my platelets were too low to receive chemo. They need to be at 75,000, meaning your bone marrow is strong enough to handle the drugs, and mine was at 64,000. They sent me home and said come back on Wednesday. So, Wednesday rolls around and I went back to find my platelets had dropped down to 55,000. I was sent home again and said to come back on Monday. I'll head back in in about an hour and hopefully find myself finally checking in! I really didn't need the delay, but the week off was nice. I got to see many old friends and be "normal" for a few days...enjoying the end of summer.
I am really bummed I couldn't get chemo last week because I was looking forward to leaving today for Chicago to see my best friend and go to a Coldplay concert. Unfortunately, the delay was just a "little reminder" or a wake up call that I can't really plan for anything at this point in my life. Trying to make plans a week in advance isn't something I can do. When I sat in the doctors office on Wednesday when I got delayed a second time I just started crying because I was so frustrated. I just want to keep moving with this whole thing so it can be done already. My doctors politely reminded me to "expect the unexpected" and this is what my life is right now. I have to go one day at a time and plan for things to come up that I may not be prepared for. They said trying to plan ahead on anything will just set me up for disappointment. I was really looking forward to seeing my friends in Chicago, but hey, life happens.
I guess all I really have to say is that I'm so done with all of this. I'm not giving up but I am becoming more disappointed with how my life is right now and I have to keep my expectations low. One day this will all just be a bump in the road of my life but right now its getting harder and harder to finish. My friends all leave for school here in a few weeks and then I will be at home for the semester like I was in the spring, just wishing I could be back at school. Don't take anything for granted, your life could change in the blink of an eye. There will always be tradeoffs in our life. If we make one decision, it leads to this or another, leads to something else, positives and negatives of every choice, decision, or action. I like to think I go for the positives, open my heart and hope for the best. Sometimes things don't work out, but I guess thats life. You just pick up the pieces and figure out your next move.
I hope you all have a fantastic day, I am sending you love and prayers constantly! Fingers crossed I get chemo today! It's the LAST CISPLATIN (nasty one) I'LL EVER HAVE TO GET! Words cannot even begin to describe how excited I am! Although, no matter how many times I get chemo, I still get a pit in my stomach the night before and morning of. Not a fun thing to see on your plan for the day. Peace to you all!
I am really bummed I couldn't get chemo last week because I was looking forward to leaving today for Chicago to see my best friend and go to a Coldplay concert. Unfortunately, the delay was just a "little reminder" or a wake up call that I can't really plan for anything at this point in my life. Trying to make plans a week in advance isn't something I can do. When I sat in the doctors office on Wednesday when I got delayed a second time I just started crying because I was so frustrated. I just want to keep moving with this whole thing so it can be done already. My doctors politely reminded me to "expect the unexpected" and this is what my life is right now. I have to go one day at a time and plan for things to come up that I may not be prepared for. They said trying to plan ahead on anything will just set me up for disappointment. I was really looking forward to seeing my friends in Chicago, but hey, life happens.
I guess all I really have to say is that I'm so done with all of this. I'm not giving up but I am becoming more disappointed with how my life is right now and I have to keep my expectations low. One day this will all just be a bump in the road of my life but right now its getting harder and harder to finish. My friends all leave for school here in a few weeks and then I will be at home for the semester like I was in the spring, just wishing I could be back at school. Don't take anything for granted, your life could change in the blink of an eye. There will always be tradeoffs in our life. If we make one decision, it leads to this or another, leads to something else, positives and negatives of every choice, decision, or action. I like to think I go for the positives, open my heart and hope for the best. Sometimes things don't work out, but I guess thats life. You just pick up the pieces and figure out your next move.
I hope you all have a fantastic day, I am sending you love and prayers constantly! Fingers crossed I get chemo today! It's the LAST CISPLATIN (nasty one) I'LL EVER HAVE TO GET! Words cannot even begin to describe how excited I am! Although, no matter how many times I get chemo, I still get a pit in my stomach the night before and morning of. Not a fun thing to see on your plan for the day. Peace to you all!
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